Just Some Girl He Left Behind
by yukiim
Summary: "What were you to Gen?"


It's been almost two months since Gen disappeared from my life. Everyone told me that he transferred but I know better. And while I understand that some things can't be discussed, it kills me to have to act as if nothing's wrong. To act as if Gen isn't dead. And what pisses me off the most? The fact that Yoshimori and Tokine try to feed me the same bullshit that they tell everyone else. Lying to me knowing how important Gen was to me. But what was I to expect? Besides, both of them have been avoiding me as of lately so it's a lot easier to keep my thoughts to myself.

These past few weeks have been hard, though. In fact, I was in denial for the first two weeks after his death. I came to school everyday thinking he would be sitting in his seat like any other day. And on the weekends I passed his apartment atleast twice a day. Maybe I'd get a glance of him through the window. I eventually came to term with what had happened. Gen was gone and no matter how much I wished he wasn't, it wouldn't change a thing.

"Yukiim."

I looked up. "Yoshimori." I'm slightly surprised he's talking to me. I don't even consider us friends anymore.

"So... How have you been?"

How am I? I feel as if I'm drowning and there's only a matter of time before I run out of breath. "I'm fine. And you?"

"I'm okay."

"Tokine?"

"She's fine, too."

"I see." If I were to ask you about Gen, would you tell me the truth? I doubt it. "Is there something you need ask me?"

"Hmm?"

"It looks like you have something to say." Confirm my worst nightmare. "Do you?" Maybe then I can make my way back to the shore...

"Actually, I do need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Gen." Heh. Can this really be happening?

"Oh? What about him?" I kinda wish this wasn't happening.

"I... I mean..."

"Is he transferring back here?"

"No, I... Yukiim, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? About what?"

"I haven't been honest with you. Gen didn't transfer."

"Then where is he?"

"He's gone." So this is it.

"He's gone? Where did he go?"

"He's dead, Yukiim." This is a nightmare I'll never wake up from.

"He's... dead?"

"I'm so sorry, Yukiim. I wanted to tell you before but-"

"I know, Yoshimori. I was just waiting for someone to tell me!"

"Wh-What!"

"I've waited so long for someone to tell me the truth."

"You knew?"

"I've been trying to convince myself that it was just my imagination. I nearly drove myself insane."

"You've known all along..."

"I thought, as friends, you and Tokine would tell me."

"I wanted to tell you but-"

"It doesn't matter, Yoshimori. I just needed to hear it from somebody. I'll find a way to deal with it myself."

"Wait! You don't have to do this by yourself. We're your friends-"

"No you're not! A friend wouldn't have kept something like this away from me. I want nothing to do with either of you."

"If you knew what had happened all along, why didn't you say something?"

I have nothing to say. What could I say? I was able to sense everyone's presence that night, along with the ayakashi who ended Gen's life. I sensed Gen was in pain and fighting for his life. I even sensed Gen's warmth disappear from this world. But telling Yoshimori would reveal the fact that she wasn't an ordinary human. And that would make things even more painful for everyone. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Fine. I know you're upset but atleast answer one question for me."

"What?"

"Just what was Gen to you?"

Just what did Gen mean to me? When anyone asked about the two of us, I was used to saying that we were 'just friends'. I wonder what Gen would have answered... It's too late to ask him now, though.

You know, in Gen's final moments, when I should have been by his side, I opted to stay safely at home. I made myself believe that Gen would be alright. There was nothing to be worried about because... Gen would never abandon me here. But he did and I'll never forgive him for it!

What a hypocrite I am... To say Gen abandoned me when I'm the one that abandoned him... Which, in turn, forced him to him to leave everybody that cared about him behind. I'm sure that if he had had a choice, he would have chosen to live. I had a choice and my decision can never be changed.

"Answer me. What were you to Gen?"

I don't know how to answer. Friends? More? If we were truly more than just friends, I wouldn't have hesitated to go to Gen when he needed me the most. Even a friend would choose to go help another friend in such a situation. But I didn't so how can I be classified as even his friend? If that's the case, I guess that makes me...

"Just some girl he left behind..."

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~yukiim


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